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" The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It's a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect. "

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" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Worth

Used

" Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market. "

" The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Proven

Average

" No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. "

" The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out. "

" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "

" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "

" Art Nouveau got its inspiration from nature. The Bauhaus got its inspiration from engineering. "

" As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Ray

Right

" Fascism is very much a mob movement. "

" Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another. "

" One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history. "

" I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again. "

" Writing is agony. I hate it. "

" Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn't matter. "

" War expands government powers. The trouble is that, when the war goes away, the government powers do not. "

" In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference. "

" You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Despair

Middle

" Hubris is one of the great renewable resources. "

" I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I'm not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses. "

" Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. "

" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "

" TV ushered in the age of postliteracy. And we have gone so far beyond that. I mean, what with the Internet and Google and Wikipedia. We have entered the age of post-intelligence. "

" Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference. "

" There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives. "

" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Crazy

Person

" Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Off

Washington

" Is Bill Clinton so good at politics, or are other politicians so bad? "

" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "

" If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions. "