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" I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Short

Black

Gay

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" China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories. "

" Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. "

" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "

" The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt. "

" The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average. "

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" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "

" I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer. "

" The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. "

" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "

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Get

Dumb

" Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.' "

" Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse. "

" Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. "

" People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth. "

" Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in the valley of the River Exe would be gone. The handsome agricultural landscape of which the British are so proud, carefully husbanded since Boudicca's day, would be replaced by natural growth. The most likely growth is real-estate developments. "

" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "

" Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. "

" I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Doing

Love

" Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, Palo Alto, or Chevy Chase. These places used to have impoverished neighborhoods nearby, but the poor people got chased out by young singles living in group homes, hipsters, and urban homesteading gay couples. "

" Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy. "

" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Purpose

Children

" It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video. "

" Rahm Emanuel is, we are almost certain, a vampire. "

" No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. "

" The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. "

" I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. "

" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "

" The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. "

" Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. "