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" Comedy gives you a shot of euphoria that distracts you from everything that's awful. "

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" I don't know how much the economy has changed since Jonathan Swift's 'A Modest Proposal.' "

" You just put yourself into your work, and you can do anything you want, depending on how hard you want to work for it. "

" My father always said I have a face for radio, and 'Cloverfield' was one of my finest pieces of work. "

" I drink a fair amount of ramen noodles. "

" It doesn't matter to me if I'm in love with my performance, so I watch all of my performances to understand and learn from them and figure out what's working and what's not. And I see the movies that I'm in in the theater a lot. "

" I acted in high school and studied at the British American Drama Academy in Oxford for one summer. I minored in theater, and I was always acting growing up and stuff, but really, I was just more interested in the comedy of it all. So for me, it's always comedy, and then acting is just one medium of comedy. "

" Life is hard. Not great. Kind of tragic. "

" To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded. "

" J. P. Morgan. He was kind of a douche. "

" I was the Head Boy of East High School in 1999. I represent 303 - the area code, not the band - Mile High, until I die. I'm 31, a comedian; I juggle, but I don't glove it. I think waxed mustaches run a very thin line between hipster and 1800s barkeep. "

" It's okay to take yourself too seriously if you're a serious actor and you've got the scrubs on. And then with me, it's kind of like, well, I'm a comedian, I'm making fun of everybody and everything. And I'm making fun of myself. I'm having fun making fun of and for other people. "

" I feel like I've forcefully been thrust into the tech world, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. "

" It is good to connect to someone who reminds you that you have some real authenticity. "

" When you get into a car, and there's trash, or it's dirty, or one of the hubcaps is off, you're like, 'Come on, dude.' Every woman likes the confidence and self-respect that says, 'I get oil changes. I look after my vehicle.' That's what I recommend: Act like you don't care, but take care of your body. "

" I don't really know how to act that much. I'm quite good at comedy, but it's mostly acting naturally. "

" My face is oblong. But the best grooming is confidence. "

" I don't prepare for anything very well. I am not a good actor. I don't read scripts. "

" I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates. "

" Listen to my voice - I sound like I'm permanently congested. "

" One of the exciting things about an entanglement puzzle is there's no end to it. Once you solve how to take it apart, you have to solve how to put it back together. "

" Hosting is a thankless job. "

" I think it is very important to be a method actor. "

" I do comedy to give people an ephemeral escape from the tragedy that permeates everyday life. "

" Slowly but surely, I went through different phases of fame, and each rises you further into isolation and alienation. "

" I'm a stand-up. I'm never worried about getting my next role. That's never distressing to me. "

" It's much better to wreak havoc on a show and be a maniac than promote myself. Plugs and anecdotes aren't really in line with my beliefs. Besides, if someone sees me on a morning show and thinks, 'That's not funny; this guy is crazy,' then I don't want them to come to the show anyway. "

" I'm a Nietzschean scholar. I've read an immense amount about nihilism and existentialism. "

" I consider everybody who takes themselves seriously to be a little bit off. And Silicon Valley seems to be the most effusive about how important their contributions are to society. "

" I care less about selling tickets and getting Twitter followers than I do about making as many people laugh as I can. I'd rather make people laugh than make them know who T.J. Miller is. "

" I consider myself a fairly ethical individual while I do have a lot of dichotomies within me. We're all victims of our own hypocrisy at times. "