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" Listen to my voice - I sound like I'm permanently congested. "

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" I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'. "

" I don't sit and write stand-up material; I come up with an idea onstage. "

" The moment in which you make somebody laugh, you're only doing it to make them laugh and be happy. Then afterward you can be like, 'Oh, I just want the attention. I feel so good that everybody's listening to me and I got the approval that I need.' "

" You just put yourself into your work, and you can do anything you want, depending on how hard you want to work for it. "

" I'm a Nietzschean scholar. I've read an immense amount about nihilism and existentialism. "

" Hosting is a thankless job. "

" It is good to connect to someone who reminds you that you have some real authenticity. "

" I love Denver. "

" I drink a fair amount of ramen noodles. "

" My face is oblong. But the best grooming is confidence. "

" I try to be an ethical, moral person and a nice person, and I like to have that reflected in my comedy. I'm not a mean comedian, and I don't think that my comedy is mean. I think that for the most part, it's more focused on the diversity that we all handle and try to provide a distraction from the disaster of modern living. "

" We're not a nation divided: we're a nation broken, and anything broken can be fixed. "

" It's always fun to agree to be in a movie when you have no idea what it's actually going to be! "

" I actually prefer Twitter as a medium, and I also got into Periscope for a second, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I can't figure out if the only important thing about it is the live broadcast, or if it's an interesting kind of way to log what you do. "

" My father really told me, seriously, if you want something, you can have it, but you may have to work harder than anyone else around you. "

" If you're a psychologist, you can instrumentally change peoples lives for the better. But you can only do that for about 300 people to maybe a thousand people - if you're really prolific and you're working really hard. "

" I was the Head Boy of East High School in 1999. I represent 303 - the area code, not the band - Mile High, until I die. I'm 31, a comedian; I juggle, but I don't glove it. I think waxed mustaches run a very thin line between hipster and 1800s barkeep. "

" To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded. "

" I acted in high school and studied at the British American Drama Academy in Oxford for one summer. I minored in theater, and I was always acting growing up and stuff, but really, I was just more interested in the comedy of it all. So for me, it's always comedy, and then acting is just one medium of comedy. "

" Everybody asks me what it was like to be in my underwear for my network television debut. "

" When you get into a car, and there's trash, or it's dirty, or one of the hubcaps is off, you're like, 'Come on, dude.' Every woman likes the confidence and self-respect that says, 'I get oil changes. I look after my vehicle.' That's what I recommend: Act like you don't care, but take care of your body. "

" One of the exciting things about an entanglement puzzle is there's no end to it. Once you solve how to take it apart, you have to solve how to put it back together. "

" To be honest, I would never have imagined myself acting on a sitcom that I didn't write. "

" We try and reflect that there's a lot of optimism, there's a lot of positive things that are happening in 'Silicon Valley'. "

" There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me. "

" Mucinex were like, 'Would you like to be the Mucinex man? You sound like you're sick right now'. In each spot, they give me a little bit of room to do something strange. And in a world of fractured mediums, where there is no zeitgeist, and you get your comedy from your phone, it's all content. "

" Slowly but surely, I went through different phases of fame, and each rises you further into isolation and alienation. "

" Funny is as funny does, and funny puts on a walrus mask and slowly gyrates in a mall food court. I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates. "

" I consider myself a fairly ethical individual while I do have a lot of dichotomies within me. We're all victims of our own hypocrisy at times. "

" There is no place for a person like me in a world that only takes itself seriously. Satire is so necessary but fairly ineffective. "