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" I think I definitely would have ended up in some kind of show business. I was very interested in music when I was younger. This was back when Crosby, Stills and Nash were around. "
Kevin Nealon
Music
Show
Kind
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" When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together. "
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" A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' "
Kevin Nealon
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" It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you. "
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" A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages. "
Kevin Nealon
Check
Commitment
See
" To this day, I haven't felt like I've made it. I'm waiting for them to pull the rug out from under me. I kind of feel like George Plimpton; I'm just experiencing this whole business with the really talented people. "
Kevin Nealon
Feel
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" As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit. "
Kevin Nealon
Live
Little
You
" Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes. "
Kevin Nealon
Target
Two
Enjoy
" I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past. "
Kevin Nealon
Travel
Work
Together
" I think having a child makes you calm down. You sit still. "
Kevin Nealon
Down
You
Think
" The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day. "
Kevin Nealon
Family
Me
Day
" I've done this commercial with Arnold Palmer. He doesn't play that much anymore, but it'd be fun to have him in the cart. "
Kevin Nealon
Him
Fun
Done
" I lived in Germany from when I was 6 until I was 10, so, of course, I played soccer. When I came back to the States, nobody played soccer, and none of the schools taught German, so I couldn't continue to excel in those categories. "
Kevin Nealon
Excel
Back
Lived
" What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing. "
Kevin Nealon
Coffee
Me
Always
" Any day that is designated to shower the person you love with love is my favorite holiday. "
Kevin Nealon
Love Is
Person
Holiday
" Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness. "
Kevin Nealon
Support
Proud
Work
" If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said. "
Kevin Nealon
You
Everything
Down
" I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club. "
Kevin Nealon
Nice
City
Driving
" I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game. "
Kevin Nealon
People
Game
Appreciate
" I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them. "
Kevin Nealon
Animal
Heart
Impossible
" Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses. "
Kevin Nealon
Weaknesses
Enthusiasm
More
" I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me. "
Kevin Nealon
Kevin
News
Me
" I used to go to the Hollywood YMCA when I first came here, and I was standing in front of the mirror doing curls, and I noticed this guy next to me also doing curls. He was grimacing a lot, and I noticed he had an underbite. I looked more closely and realized it was Bruce Springsteen. "
Kevin Nealon
Standing
Hollywood
Doing
" It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! "
Kevin Nealon
Joke
Up
Good
" I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another. "
Kevin Nealon
Myself
Game
Birds
" I like YouTube; it's really entertaining. A lot of it is crappy stuff, but there are a couple diamonds in the rough there. "
Kevin Nealon
Rough
Like
Diamonds
" As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences. "
Kevin Nealon
New
Older
You
" Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. "
Kevin Nealon
Who
Pleaser
Basically
" You see things through a different lens when you have a child. "
Kevin Nealon
Child
Different
Things
" I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor. "
Kevin Nealon
Think
Blood
Doctor
" I feel guilty: when I'm not golfing, I feel like I should be golfing. And when I'm golfing, I feel like I should be home working or spending time with the family. So it's a real conundrum. "
Kevin Nealon
Home
Family
Feel