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" Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. "

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" I don't understand anything about America's culture. "

" The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich. "

" The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. "

" Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt. "

" Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines. "

" Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. "

" Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. "

" You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King assassination, a Beatles breakup, a U.S. defeat in Vietnam, and a Watergate. "

" America is a meritocracy. "

" It's hard to be serious in life. "

" Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities. "

" I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little. I'm not rich, but I can afford a few grand if I have to have my appendix taken out. I can pitch in a little bit. "

" Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. "

" The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. "

" You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be. "

" Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law if they could. "

" Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative. "

" The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that's the point. "

" I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived. "

" In Toledo, people grow out. Out to the suburbs. Out to the parts of America where the economy is more vigorous. And all too often, out to 48-inch waistbands. "

" If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. "

" Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there. "

" Americans are good at pursuing happiness. And the Americans who pursue happiness most diligently show that we're also good at running it down and killing it. "

" As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live. "

" I've only been to New Zealand once, about 1989. It was incredibly beautiful, kind of like the ideal of where I live in New England - all that and then some - but I can't say I was there long enough to get any very clear idea. "

" You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages. "

" When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he's saving a parking place. "

" The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. "

" The inherent purpose of American government is let people seek their own goals and to encourage them to be responsible on the various adventures they have on their way to those goals, good, bad, and otherwise. "

" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "