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" You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages. "

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" Politics won't allow for the truth. "

" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "

" There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. "

" Democrats hate America being a world power because world power gives power to the nation instead of to Democrats. "

" Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car registration at the department of motor vehicles. "

" Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it. "

" People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement. "

" There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees. "

" The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it. "

" I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. "

" I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. "

" Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse. "

" America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. "

" When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side. "

" I've only been to New Zealand once, about 1989. It was incredibly beautiful, kind of like the ideal of where I live in New England - all that and then some - but I can't say I was there long enough to get any very clear idea. "

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" We've come into the world of '1984,' but it turns out to be '1984'-Lite. "

" As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. "

" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "

" Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself. "

" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "

" I'm really tired of virtue. "

" President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn English. Bush doesn't meet those qualifications. "

" Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. "

" There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. "

" All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't believe in just any old thing, such as creationism or a flat tax. "

" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "

" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "

" In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference. "

" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "