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" Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. "

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" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

Karl Pilkington

Hard Work

Pen

Work

" Chinese people age overnight. "

" Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.' "

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

Together

Marriage

" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "

" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "

" People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door. "

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

" All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird. "

" Comedy's really subjective, you know. "

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

" I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. "

" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "

" I found that being with happy positive people annoys me. "

" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "

" I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash. "

Karl Pilkington

Money

Nice

" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

Karl Pilkington

Easy

Looking

" Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says. "

" When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that. "

" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "

Karl Pilkington

Really

Joke

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

" I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax. "

Karl Pilkington

Change

Relax

" I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling. "

" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

Difference

Doing