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" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

Karl Pilkington

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" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "

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" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "

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" Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive. "

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" Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.' "

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" That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. "

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" When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that. "

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" Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really. "

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" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

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" I've never worried about life's big questions. "

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" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

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" With acting, I didn't get much from it. "

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" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

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" I found that being with happy positive people annoys me. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

Karl Pilkington

" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "

Karl Pilkington

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

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" Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard. "

Karl Pilkington

" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

Karl Pilkington

" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "

Karl Pilkington

" We should all love animals. "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington