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" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

Karl Pilkington

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" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

Karl Pilkington

" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

Karl Pilkington

" Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.' "

Karl Pilkington

" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "

Karl Pilkington

" We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' "

Karl Pilkington

" Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive. "

Karl Pilkington

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "

Karl Pilkington

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time? "

Karl Pilkington

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash. "

Karl Pilkington

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington