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" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "
Karl Pilkington
Manchester
Any
Know
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" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "
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Parent
Good
Good Parent
" I've got loads of nieces and nephews. "
Karl Pilkington
Got
Nieces
Nephews
" Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight. "
Karl Pilkington
Yesterday
Challenge
Painting
" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "
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Mood
Things
Swim
" They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time? "
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Say
Wonder
Started
" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "
Karl Pilkington
End
World
Way
" I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great. "
Karl Pilkington
Drive
Great
Adult
" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "
Karl Pilkington
Bath
Documented
Chunks
" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "
Karl Pilkington
People
Holiday
Book
" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "
Karl Pilkington
Hard Work
Pen
Work
" I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling. "
Karl Pilkington
I Am
Looking
Nature
" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "
Karl Pilkington
Learned
End
Idiot
" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "
Karl Pilkington
Love
Weird
Watch
" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "
Karl Pilkington
Frisbee
Caught
Thought
" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "
Karl Pilkington
Value
See
Money
" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "
Karl Pilkington
Along
You
Think
" We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' "
Karl Pilkington
Life
Find
Saying
" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "
Karl Pilkington
Mexico
People
Worship
" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "
Karl Pilkington
Would
Put
Spiteful
" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "
Karl Pilkington
Wedding
Reason
Got
" Comedy's really subjective, you know. "
Karl Pilkington
Comedy
Know
Really
" People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door. "
Karl Pilkington
Glass
Who
People
" Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard. "
Karl Pilkington
You
Why
Comedy
" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "
Karl Pilkington
Together
Me
Marriage
" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "
Karl Pilkington
Live
View
Than
" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "
Karl Pilkington
About
Offending
People
" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "
Karl Pilkington
Years
Water
Think
" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "
Karl Pilkington
Like
Tea
Know
" Chinese people age overnight. "
Karl Pilkington
Age
Chinese
Overnight
" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "
Karl Pilkington
Changed
My Life
Life