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" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

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" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've got loads of nieces and nephews. "

Karl Pilkington

" Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time? "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

Karl Pilkington

" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "

Karl Pilkington

" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

Karl Pilkington

" I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling. "

Karl Pilkington

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

Karl Pilkington

" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' "

Karl Pilkington

" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "

Karl Pilkington

" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "

Karl Pilkington

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" Comedy's really subjective, you know. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard. "

Karl Pilkington

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

Karl Pilkington

" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "

Karl Pilkington

" Chinese people age overnight. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

Karl Pilkington