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" Fall of the Berlin wall? Being there was fun. Nations that flaked off of the Soviet Union in southeastern Europe, Central Asia, and the Caucasus? Being there was not so fun. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Union

Being There

Fall

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" The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average. "

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" Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out. "

" Term limits aren't enough. We need jail. "

" Funding for the original manned Voyager Mars Program was scratched in 1968, before humans had gotten out of Low Earth Orbit. Mid-'60s plans for a Venus fly-by with astronauts actually flying by it met the same fate. "

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. "

" Love can never be fully explained. "

" People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. "

" Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one presidential candidate from the stink of another. "

" Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters. "

" Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. "

" I don't watch much television. "

" We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren't there. "

" The Tea Party has definitely increased political involvement, not only among Tea Party members but among people who oppose the Tea Party members. It's been a general stimulus. "

" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "

" Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It's not pretty. But it's striking, I'll give it that. It's not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly. "

" Charles McCarry is the best modern writer on the subject of intrigue - by the breadth of Alan Furst, by the fathom of Eric Ambler, by any measure. "

" Stupid is a great force in human affairs. "

" Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I've been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers. "

" The people who despise America are the editors of the 'New Statesman.' Their green-card applications must have been turned down. "

" The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help. "

" The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. "

" Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car registration at the department of motor vehicles. "

" Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. "

" The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission. "

" I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself. "

" My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. "

" There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Old

People

" If I were a congressman who had voted for the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004, I'd claim it was forced on our country by a sinister international organization. "

" By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire. "