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" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "

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" Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. "

P. J. O'Rourke

God

Done

Way

" I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.' "

P. J. O'Rourke

Bad

Interesting

" Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Best

Look

" America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as if we're the only nation on earth that counts. We are. "

" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Crazy

Person

" A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall. "

" I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again. "

" I'm fascinated by political enthusiasm. "

" Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that's when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past. "

" The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health and retirement benefits working on the General Livestock Corporation assembly line putting udders on cows. "

" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "

" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Aging

Mad

" Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. "

" The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around. "

" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "

" Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out. "

" The words 'Space Age' have a quaint, nostalgic tone - sitting on midcentury modern furniture watching 'The Jetsons.' "

" Adam Smith's huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution. "

" There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to have and dreadful not to have. "

" The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it. "

" Simply because something is a populist movement doesn't make it either good or bad. "

" Neither liberal nor conservative politicians can resist the temptation to stand as mighty sequoias of rectitude amid the lowly underbrush of fundraising. "

" I read good. I was an English major. "

" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "

" Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. "

" Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. "

" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Less

Nothing

" There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. "

" Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. "

" The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. "