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" I don't watch much television. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Television
Much
Watch
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" There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. "
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Old
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" The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren't carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Great
Laws
" Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the revolutionaries, the utopians, the collectivists, and the rest of the altruistic scum of the earth. Why do these people want to feel good? They want to feel good in order to convince themselves that they are good. "
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People
Earth
Good
" My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Car
Whole
Talk
" In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of 'I hate strangers and anything that's different.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Matter
Strangers
Hate
" My ignorance is widespread. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Ignorance
Widespread
" There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Point Of View
View
More
" To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Work
Job
Look
" Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Parents
Discipline
Parenting
" Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such an excellent banjo player that you almost don't wish you had a pair of wire cutters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Singing
You
Wish
" I think the Baby Boom does have a tendency to get its nose in everything. The Greatest Generation had a better tendency to leave people alone. Of course, they also had a better tendency to hate everybody's guts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Better
Baby
Alone
" Any terrorism is an attack on libertarian values. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Terrorism
Values
Attack
" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "
P. J. O'Rourke
News
Know
Business
" Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Most
Something
Exercise
" The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Democrats
American
Difference
" Conservatives really don't believe in politics as the primary instrument of getting along in life and therefore don't tend to put their energy into it a way people left of center do. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Energy
Politics
People
" I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Short
Black
Gay
" Call a man 'ignorant,' and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wise
World
You
" Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Create
Better
Human
" Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Us
Worst
Violence
" I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bad
Like
Interesting
" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
Dumb
" Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teacher
Punishment
Teachers
" The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Law
Religion
Congress
" Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It's not pretty. But it's striking, I'll give it that. It's not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Going
Dubai
City
" You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Read
Nations
Never
" Medical researchers don't know much about head lice because they don't much care. The reason that they don't much care is, paradoxically, that they know a lot. That is, they know one important thing: there is no evidence that head lice transmit disease. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Know
Important
Medical
" I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Now
Air
American
" The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-boos and make up, he'd better plant some bruises first. A master apologizer has to be a Lord Byron, a Rick in Casablanca, a Lee Atwater, anyway. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Great
Better
Plant
" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Depression
Future