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" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

Karl Pilkington

Years

Water

Think

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Know

" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

" I don't know what 'famous' is, really. "

" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "

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" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

" Comedy's really subjective, you know. "

" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

Difference

Doing

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

" I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit. "

" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "

" I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

Quiet

Busy

" Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really. "

Karl Pilkington

Always

She

" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "

" I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax. "

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Change

Relax

" It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. "

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "

" I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs. "

" That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. "

" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "

" It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it. "

" Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive. "

" People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? "

Karl Pilkington

People

Thought

" I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you? "

" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "