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" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

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" If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared. "

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" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

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" Chinese people age overnight. "

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" I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit. "

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" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

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" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "

Karl Pilkington

" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time? "

Karl Pilkington

" I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" Comedy's really subjective, you know. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "

Karl Pilkington

" Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

" Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised. "

Karl Pilkington

" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" We should all love animals. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington