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" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "
Karl Pilkington
Bath
Documented
Chunks
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" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "
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Getting Old
" I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great. "
Karl Pilkington
Drive
Great
Adult
" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "
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Wedding
Reason
Got
" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "
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Top
See
Game
" I've got loads of nieces and nephews. "
Karl Pilkington
Got
Nieces
Nephews
" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "
Karl Pilkington
Much
Watch
Weird
" I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "
Karl Pilkington
Places
Night
Busy
" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "
Karl Pilkington
Years
Water
Think
" I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax. "
Karl Pilkington
Change
Like
Relax
" When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that. "
Karl Pilkington
Holiday
Hope
Internet
" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "
Karl Pilkington
Learned
End
Idiot
" People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door. "
Karl Pilkington
Glass
Who
People
" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "
Karl Pilkington
End
World
Way
" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "
Karl Pilkington
Bad
Thought
People
" People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this. "
Karl Pilkington
Believe
End
Good
" Chinese people age overnight. "
Karl Pilkington
Age
Chinese
Overnight
" I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything. "
Karl Pilkington
Won
Anything
Awards
" They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time? "
Karl Pilkington
Say
Wonder
Started
" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "
Karl Pilkington
Frisbee
Caught
Thought
" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "
Karl Pilkington
Body
Day
End
" I found that being with happy positive people annoys me. "
Karl Pilkington
Happy
Positive
People
" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "
Karl Pilkington
Pirates
Since
Quiet
" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "
Karl Pilkington
Like
Tea
Know
" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "
Karl Pilkington
Manchester
Any
Know
" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "
Karl Pilkington
Value
See
Money
" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "
Karl Pilkington
Love
Weird
Watch
" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "
Karl Pilkington
Hard Work
Pen
Work
" I've never worried about life's big questions. "
Karl Pilkington
Questions
Never
Life
" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "
Karl Pilkington
Mood
Things
Swim
" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "
Karl Pilkington
Good
Mud
Got