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" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

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" All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird. "

Karl Pilkington

Know

Nice

Saying

" It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. "

" I don't know what 'famous' is, really. "

" I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything. "

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

" I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs. "

" People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? "

Karl Pilkington

People

Thought

" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "

Karl Pilkington

Tea

Know

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "

" I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax. "

Karl Pilkington

Change

Relax

" I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling. "

" Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really. "

Karl Pilkington

Always

She

" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "

" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

" I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

Quiet

Busy

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

Karl Pilkington

Easy

Looking

" I've never worried about life's big questions. "

" With acting, I didn't get much from it. "

" I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised. "

" I found that being with happy positive people annoys me. "

" I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. "

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

Together

Marriage

" Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says. "

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "