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" Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. "
Gail Sheehy
Security
Temporary
Surrender
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" Married at 23, a mother at 24, and blindsided by divorce at 28, I found myself struggling, like many young women I meet today, to strike a balance between my personal life and my career. "
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" In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network. "
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" If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living. "
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" When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. "
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" One of the ways we women often handicap ourselves is thinking that once we've made a decision or a commitment, we can't change. "
Gail Sheehy
Decision
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" In 2009, I served as AARP's Ambassador of Caregiving. With a producer and cameraman, I traveled the country for months, interviewing hundreds of caregivers. "
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" People in grief need someone to walk with them without judging them. "
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Grief
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" I keep returning to the central question facing over-50 women as we move into our Second Adulthood. What are our goals for this stage in our lives? "
Gail Sheehy
Women
Stage
Goals
" It was so naive to think that there was nothing interesting that happened after 55. Come on, there's a whole second adulthood! "
Gail Sheehy
Think
Adulthood
Interesting
" To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist. "
Gail Sheehy
Good
Therapist
Tested
" In my memoir, I admit that I've been as fearful of success as of failure. In fact, when 'Passages' was published, I so dreaded bad reviews that I ran away to Italy with a girlfriend and our children to hide out. "
Gail Sheehy
Bad
Failure
Hide
" It is a paradox that as we reach out prime, we also see there is a place where it finishes. "
Gail Sheehy
Paradox
Where
Place
" Adapting to our Second Adulthood is not all about the money. It requires thinking about how to find a new locus of identity or how to adjust to a spouse who stops working and who may loll, enjoying coffee and reading the paper online while you're still commuting. "
Gail Sheehy
Money
Identity
Coffee
" Very few women manage to have it all; certainly not all at once. "
Gail Sheehy
Once
Very
Women
" Career-driven millennials are strategic about working obsessively while they are single and earning enough money to afford advanced education. Most are patient enough to wait until 30 or later to develop their dream. "
Gail Sheehy
Wait
Education
Dream
" The first thing one notices about Jill Abramson is her short stature. The second is her intensity. "
Gail Sheehy
Her
Second
Short
" I do think women can have it all - but not all women. If you take daring steps and are smart about it, you can probably have it all. But you might have to wait a while. "
Gail Sheehy
Wait
You
Women
" I did not give my daughter the kind of childhood anybody would want. The vision of the divided loyalty between a mother and father who don't live together and don't share in decisions is a great depravation for children. "
Gail Sheehy
Mother
Children
Daughter
" Family caregiving has become a predictable crisis. Americans are living longer and longer but dying slower and slower. "
Gail Sheehy
Living
Crisis
Dying
" You have a new role: family caregiver. It's a role nobody applies for. You don't expect it. You won't be prepared. You probably won't even identify yourself as a caregiver. "
Gail Sheehy
Family
You
Role
" In the case of my husband, we found that facing a life-threatening illness prodded us to make a dramatic change in our lives. "
Gail Sheehy
Illness
Dramatic
Husband
" I've had the experience of having a book praised but then it doesn't sell. Or not praised but then it sells. "
Gail Sheehy
Having
Then
Book
" I actually like getting out of my comfort zone. It shakes me up. "
Gail Sheehy
Up
Comfort
Comfort Zone
" Most women have learned a great deal about how to set goals for our First Adulthood and how to roll with the punches when we hit a rough passage. But we're less prepared for our Second Adulthood as we approach life after retirement, where there are no fixed entrances or exits, and lots of sand into which it is easy to bury our heads. "
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Women
Life
Goals
" Ah, mastery... what a profoundly satisfying feeling when one finally gets on top of a new set of skills... and then sees the light under the new door those skills can open, even as another door is closing. "
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Closing
Door
Feeling
" Character is what was yesterday and will be tomorrow. "
Gail Sheehy
Yesterday
Character
Tomorrow
" I actually interviewed other people about myself, and that alerted me to the fact that I had to really investigate my memories. "
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Had
People
Fact
" In the first phase of shock over, say, your mortgage being called in or your job washed out, it's essential to engage with others and share the fear, release the feelings, do fun things to take your mind off it. "
Gail Sheehy
Say
Fear
Feelings
" Sex and older women used to be considered an oxymoron, rarely mentioned in the same breath. "
Gail Sheehy
Breath
Women
Sex
" It seems like, to me, somewhere between 30 and 35 is a really, really good time to turn your eggs into babies. "
Gail Sheehy
Me
Turn
Time