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" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "

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" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "

Judith Martin

Honesty

Name

Life

" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "

" Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not. "

" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "

" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "

" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "

" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "

" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "

" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "

" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "

" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "

Judith Martin

Good

Help

" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "

" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "

" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "

" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "

" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "

" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "

Judith Martin

You

Whatever

" First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it. "

" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "

" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "

" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "

" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "

" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "

" Being polite does not mean being mummified. "

" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "

" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "

" Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. "

Judith Martin

Signing

Off

" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "

" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "

" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "