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" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "
Judith Martin
People
Know
Yourself
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" Being polite does not mean being mummified. "
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Polite
Being
Does
" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
Judith Martin
Rules
Principles
Manners
" We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. "
Judith Martin
Responsibility
Job
Know
" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "
Judith Martin
Honesty
Name
Life
" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "
Judith Martin
People
Others
Mistake
" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "
Judith Martin
Last
Rules
People
" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "
Judith Martin
Language
Realize
Need
" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
Judith Martin
Letter
You
Real
" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "
Judith Martin
Force
Discreet
Immorality
" One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work. "
Judith Martin
Advertising
You
Work
" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "
Judith Martin
Seeing
You
Thought
" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
Hypocrisy
Virtue
" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "
Judith Martin
Change
I Am
Respect
" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "
Judith Martin
Freedom
Etiquette
Work
" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "
Judith Martin
Just
Etiquette
Even
" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "
Judith Martin
Try
Behave
Myself
" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "
Judith Martin
Like
You
Whatever
" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "
Judith Martin
You
Anything
Fool
" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
Judith Martin
Behavior
Ugly
Society
" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "
Judith Martin
Pressure
Learn
Wishes
" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "
Judith Martin
Mean
Face
Honesty
" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "
Judith Martin
Anything
Nobody
Going
" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
Judith Martin
Life
Attention
Giving
" My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible. "
Judith Martin
Children
Rude
Sorry
" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "
Judith Martin
Problem
Worry
Behavior
" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "
Judith Martin
Class
America
Middle
" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "
Judith Martin
Work
Find
Home
" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "
Judith Martin
Language
Parents
Children
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
Judith Martin
Must
Spontaneous
Fresh
" Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. "
Judith Martin
Signing
Off
Me