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" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
Hypocrisy
Virtue
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" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "
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" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "
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" Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. "
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" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "
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" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "
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" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "
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" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
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Ugly
Society
" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "
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" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "
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Home
" We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. "
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Responsibility
Job
Know
" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "
Judith Martin
Freedom
Etiquette
Work
" First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it. "
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House
White
Career
" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "
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Honesty
Name
Life
" Being polite does not mean being mummified. "
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Polite
Being
Does
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
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Must
Spontaneous
Fresh
" Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one. "
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New
People
Out
" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "
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Language
Parents
Children
" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "
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Just
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Even
" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
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Life
Attention
Giving
" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "
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Pressure
Learn
Wishes
" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "
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Problem
Worry
Behavior
" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
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Rules
Principles
Manners
" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "
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Language
Realize
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" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "
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" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "
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Fool
" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "
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" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "
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" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "
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Whatever
" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "
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Class
America
Middle
" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
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Letter
You
Real