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" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
Judith Martin
Behavior
Ugly
Society
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" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
Judith Martin
Letter
You
Real
" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "
Judith Martin
Small
Morality
Glory
" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "
Judith Martin
People
Others
Mistake
" First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it. "
Judith Martin
House
White
Career
" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "
Judith Martin
People
Know
Yourself
" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "
Judith Martin
Seeing
You
Thought
" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "
Judith Martin
Pressure
Learn
Wishes
" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
Hypocrisy
Virtue
" My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible. "
Judith Martin
Children
Rude
Sorry
" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "
Judith Martin
Mean
Face
Honesty
" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "
Judith Martin
Try
Behave
Myself
" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "
Judith Martin
Freedom
Etiquette
Work
" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "
Judith Martin
Just
Etiquette
Even
" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "
Judith Martin
Good
Help
More
" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
Judith Martin
Rules
Principles
Manners
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
Judith Martin
Must
Spontaneous
Fresh
" One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work. "
Judith Martin
Advertising
You
Work
" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "
Judith Martin
Directions
Alone
Need
" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
Judith Martin
Life
Attention
Giving
" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "
Judith Martin
Like
You
Whatever
" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "
Judith Martin
Class
America
Middle
" We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. "
Judith Martin
Responsibility
Job
Know
" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "
Judith Martin
Honesty
Name
Life
" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "
Judith Martin
Force
Discreet
Immorality
" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "
Judith Martin
Anything
Nobody
Going
" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "
Judith Martin
Change
I Am
Respect
" Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not. "
Judith Martin
Love
Say
Political
" The greater the controversy, the more you need manners. "
Judith Martin
You
Controversy
Manners
" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "
Judith Martin
You
Anything
Fool
" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "
Judith Martin
Last
Rules
People