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" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "
Judith Martin
Right
You
Everything
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" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "
Judith Martin
People
Others
Mistake
" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "
Judith Martin
Last
Rules
People
" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
Judith Martin
Letter
You
Real
" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "
Judith Martin
Language
Parents
Children
" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "
Judith Martin
Language
Realize
Need
" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
Judith Martin
Behavior
Ugly
Society
" The greater the controversy, the more you need manners. "
Judith Martin
You
Controversy
Manners
" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "
Judith Martin
Like
You
Whatever
" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "
Judith Martin
Just
Etiquette
Even
" Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. "
Judith Martin
Signing
Off
Me
" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "
Judith Martin
Problem
Worry
Behavior
" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "
Judith Martin
Seeing
You
Thought
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
Judith Martin
Must
Spontaneous
Fresh
" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "
Judith Martin
Change
I Am
Respect
" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "
Judith Martin
Pressure
Learn
Wishes
" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
Judith Martin
Rules
Principles
Manners
" Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not. "
Judith Martin
Love
Say
Political
" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "
Judith Martin
Force
Discreet
Immorality
" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "
Judith Martin
Honesty
Name
Life
" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "
Judith Martin
Freedom
Etiquette
Work
" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "
Judith Martin
Anything
Nobody
Going
" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "
Judith Martin
Class
America
Middle
" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "
Judith Martin
Try
Behave
Myself
" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "
Judith Martin
Work
Find
Home
" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "
Judith Martin
Small
Morality
Glory
" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
Judith Martin
Life
Attention
Giving
" One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work. "
Judith Martin
Advertising
You
Work
" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "
Judith Martin
Directions
Alone
Need
" We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. "
Judith Martin
Responsibility
Job
Know
" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
Hypocrisy
Virtue