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" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
Judith Martin
Letter
You
Real
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" One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work. "
Judith Martin
Advertising
You
Work
" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
Hypocrisy
Virtue
" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "
Judith Martin
You
Anything
Fool
" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "
Judith Martin
Good
Help
More
" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "
Judith Martin
Like
You
Whatever
" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "
Judith Martin
Language
Parents
Children
" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "
Judith Martin
Right
You
Everything
" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
Judith Martin
Life
Attention
Giving
" We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility. "
Judith Martin
Responsibility
Job
Know
" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "
Judith Martin
Problem
Worry
Behavior
" Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. "
Judith Martin
Signing
Off
Me
" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "
Judith Martin
Language
Realize
Need
" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "
Judith Martin
Directions
Alone
Need
" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "
Judith Martin
Change
I Am
Respect
" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "
Judith Martin
Honesty
Name
Life
" My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible. "
Judith Martin
Children
Rude
Sorry
" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "
Judith Martin
People
Others
Mistake
" The greater the controversy, the more you need manners. "
Judith Martin
You
Controversy
Manners
" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "
Judith Martin
Seeing
You
Thought
" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
Judith Martin
Rules
Principles
Manners
" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "
Judith Martin
Try
Behave
Myself
" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "
Judith Martin
People
Know
Yourself
" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "
Judith Martin
Work
Find
Home
" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "
Judith Martin
Mean
Face
Honesty
" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "
Judith Martin
Anything
Nobody
Going
" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "
Judith Martin
Small
Morality
Glory
" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "
Judith Martin
Just
Etiquette
Even
" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
Judith Martin
Behavior
Ugly
Society
" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "
Judith Martin
Force
Discreet
Immorality
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
Judith Martin
Must
Spontaneous
Fresh