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" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

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" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" You've got to be able to sell yourself. "

" I've been hot, I've been lukewarm, I've been freezing, but I've always been a headliner. "

" I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important. "

Friends And Family

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know. "

" I told jokes badly. "

" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "

" At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, and they're very enthusiastic about my work. They treat me like the Godfather. "

" Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" I was a big shot in high school - big into social events and at the dramatic society - and I always had trouble in school. Not because I was a dummy, but I was always busy being the Jackson Heights clown. "

" I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me. "

" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "

" You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh. "

" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" Everything I've performed has been from my own head. "

" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment. "

" I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative. "

" Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, 'Hi Bob' and I'd have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn't let me ad-lib. "

" When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different. "

" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "

" I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "