Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I told jokes badly. "

Related Quotes:

" You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. "

" My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared. "

" I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym. "

" Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. "

" I've never had a written script. "

" The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business. "

" I've been hot, I've been lukewarm, I've been freezing, but I've always been a headliner. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller. "

" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "

" I've never gone to comedy clubs. "

" An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. "

" My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss. "

" I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is. "

" When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!' "

" I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke. "

" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "

" What keeps me going is that young people still want to see me. "

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit. "

" When I'm onstage, I'm acting. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys. "

" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "

" To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled. "

" I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid. "