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" I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me. "

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" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

Don Rickles

Day

God

Door

" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "

Don Rickles

Empire

Building

" I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

Don Rickles

Anybody

Myself

" I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. "

" I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke. "

" I don't do impressions. "

Don Rickles

Impressions

" I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit. "

" I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head. "

" You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh. "

" No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. "

" It takes many years to be a great comedian. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" Sometimes, I knew generally what I was going to do, but I've never written anything down. Call it a sixth sense: the lines just come. "

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

Don Rickles

Walk

Party

" An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. "

Don Rickles

Day

King

" I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know. "

" My whole act is off the top of my head. "

" My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared. "

" To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances. "

" I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is. "

" It's tough having the last name 'Rickles.' Luckily, my kids handled it great. "

" I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym. "

" Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "