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" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "

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" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

" We were Orthodox Jews, but we really didn't deserve it. I mean, bacon - my father said, 'Don't put bacon in the house,' but we had bacon. We didn't keep kosher. And we observed which today would be Conservative Jews. But in those days, we belonged to an Orthodox temple. So we made out we were Orthodox Jews, but we really weren't. "

" I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage. "

" I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. "

" I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried. "

" My mother was a big influence. She kept pushing me because I was very shy and inhibited. And schoolwork was very difficult for me because I couldn't concentrate. I was failing almost every subject. To this day, I'm not too good at reading a book. But I was the president of my high school comedy group, and they treated me like a king. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss. "

" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "

" Now when I'm not working, I don't really hang out with the young comics. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "

" Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" I did a picture 40 years ago with Carroll O'Connor and Telly Savalas, God rest their souls, and Clint Eastwood, called 'Kelly's Heroes,' which we filmed in Yugoslavia for six months. "

" I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. "

" Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. "

" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "

" After over 50 years of headlining, I've been received very beautifully. But I always say, when you're onstage, you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's OK. "

" I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. "

" The highlight of my career was being at the inaugural gala of Ronald Reagan, and I owe that to Mr. Sinatra. "

" I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head. "

" Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?' "

" Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. "

" To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller. "

" Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "