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" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "

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" I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. "

" You know what's funny to me? Attitude. "

" I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day. "

" I was a big shot in high school - big into social events and at the dramatic society - and I always had trouble in school. Not because I was a dummy, but I was always busy being the Jackson Heights clown. "

" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

" When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight. "

" You've got to be able to sell yourself. "

" It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that. "

" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "

" Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. "

" Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. "

" When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!' "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy. "

" So, I'm on the satellite every Sunday, no matter where we are, with the Rams. Turn on the satellite; got to watch the Rams. "

" I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" What keeps me going is that young people still want to see me. "

" My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas. "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" After over 50 years of headlining, I've been received very beautifully. But I always say, when you're onstage, you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's OK. "

" Everything I've performed has been from my own head. "

" I've never gone to comedy clubs. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. "