Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

Related Quotes:

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. "

" I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate. "

" Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich. "

" When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. "

" I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" You've got to be able to sell yourself. "

" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "

" When I'm onstage, I'm acting. "

" I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. "

" So, I'm on the satellite every Sunday, no matter where we are, with the Rams. Turn on the satellite; got to watch the Rams. "

" I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that. "

" I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. "

" I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is. "

" I didn't get married until I was 38. "

" Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. "

" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" I did a picture 40 years ago with Carroll O'Connor and Telly Savalas, God rest their souls, and Clint Eastwood, called 'Kelly's Heroes,' which we filmed in Yugoslavia for six months. "

" One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business. "

" My mother was a Jewish General Patton. "

" I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful! "