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" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "
Don Rickles
Tired
Sitting
Myself
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" I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke. "
Don Rickles
Say
Things
Joke
" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "
Don Rickles
Audience
Excitement
Lose
" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "
Don Rickles
Me
People
Appreciate
" My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances. "
Don Rickles
Day
Wife
Off
" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "
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Say
People
Day
" My mother was a big influence. She kept pushing me because I was very shy and inhibited. And schoolwork was very difficult for me because I couldn't concentrate. I was failing almost every subject. To this day, I'm not too good at reading a book. But I was the president of my high school comedy group, and they treated me like a king. "
Don Rickles
School
Book
Day
" I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. "
Don Rickles
Know
Problem
Midnight
" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "
Don Rickles
Wonder
Clothes
Funny
" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "
Don Rickles
Make
Life
Fun
" My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared. "
Don Rickles
See
Bank
Always
" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "
Don Rickles
Who
Adore
Best
" I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried. "
Don Rickles
Navy
Last
Me
" Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was. "
Don Rickles
Days
Fun
People
" I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. "
Don Rickles
Forty
Accountant
Years
" One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business. "
Don Rickles
Think
Yourself
Business
" At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, and they're very enthusiastic about my work. They treat me like the Godfather. "
Don Rickles
People
Work
Young
" No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. "
Don Rickles
Find
Beach
You
" I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning. "
Don Rickles
Morning
Job
Night
" Herb Solo at that time was the head of MGM. I said, 'I want to live like Clint Eastwood.' Did I know at that time Clint Eastwood, to him, Heaven was a truck, a dog, and a picnic basket for food or something? "
Don Rickles
Dog
Live
Time
" Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. "
Don Rickles
Think
Positive
Hope
" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "
Don Rickles
Like
Side
Think
" I've been hot, I've been lukewarm, I've been freezing, but I've always been a headliner. "
Don Rickles
Lukewarm
Hot
Always
" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "
Don Rickles
Performance
Funny
Me
" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "
Don Rickles
Stand Up
Stand
Know
" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "
Don Rickles
Like
Empire
Building
" I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important. "
Don Rickles
Friends And Family
Care
Family
" Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine. "
Don Rickles
Will
Me
King
" When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit. "
Don Rickles
Soul
School
Life
" You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. "
Don Rickles
Humor
Attitude
Personality
" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "
Don Rickles
Doing
Say
Minnesota