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" I just do jokes about real situations, pure observation. "

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" We provide comedy for everybody, no matter what your race or gender. We just want people to come out and have a really good time. "

" Mom was a nurse's aide. She worked in various hospitals. She took care of us that way, and we ate government cheese. I survived. "

" The thing is, it's that Detroiters are hard workers. We've always been hard workers, even when times are down. I've been able to take that with me, that work ethic, to help me build my career. "

" I always tell people if you want to do something, go to a great comedy show. And that's what I try to do: give people a really good comedy show. "

" I'm what you call a satisfied single. I don't want to give any trip reports when I come home. "

" Even when I was an engineer, I was a comic on my job. At birthday and holiday parties, I was the one scheduling and emceeing. If you work on your gift, and you're good, it will shine through. "

" Men don't know how to act like men sometimes. Take the trash out. Open up the door. Rub my feet. I mean, it's a two-way street! "

" Life is funny, and that's why I celebrate it in my shows. "

" The late, great Joan Rivers actually gave me so much advice, and she was so nice to me before she passed. "

" I have a fear of being broke. That's what I have a fear of. I'm not kidding. "

" Now AOL is the grandma of online Web services. I mean, we don't need it anymore. "

" I'm fat, and I support fat celebrities, like Oprah. "

" I don't have a lot of time for television because I am making it, so it's really hard for me to sit down. But when I do get a chance, I try to catch up on 'Scandal,' 'Empire' and 'black-ish.' "

" I've seen Don Rickles up at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Don Rickles was doing jokes in a wheelchair, and he was headlining a show. Do you think they would let a woman do that? "

" I used to be an engineer, and I was the worst engineer in the United States of America. That's why I became a comic. "

" In 'Mother's Day,' which is directed by legendary director Garry Marshall, I play a mother figure to the character played by Jason Sudeikis from 'Saturday Night Live.' He's a widower, and I'm a mother who's helping him to get over the loss of his wife. "

" You men make up these rules, and now you get mad because I'm telling you what a real woman wants. She wants you to treat her like a lady if you want her to sit up there and put on all the lingerie! "

" I've been studying myself because I always want to improve. "

" It's been a long haul. It may seem to some people that have never heard of me, 'Oh she just popped up on the scene,' but I've been working on this for some time. "

" I worked harder at my craft, and it took some time, but here I am today doing what I want to do, which is entertain people. "

" I made the conscious decision to not have kids, and I didn't want to be married. "

" I tend to be everybody's best friend, and it kind of goes over into my comedy. "

" I do think the audiences have a right to judge what they feel is offensive and not. "

" I do like to laugh at and talk about relationships. "

" Whatever you're destined to do, you will be. "

" I am a seasoned performer. "

" I was a latchkey kid, so when I saw the 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,' that showed me that there was a different type of lifestyle out there. I was curious about it and amazed about it. "

" I'm hearing from fans about how they got out of an abusive relationship. That's why I tell people you've got to watch 'The Real.' We are about comedy and inspiration, but personal moments come up, and people are moved by it. "

" People say they get a warmness from me. "

" I couldn't be where I am today if I had children. My focus would be on my children and home. And you can do it later in life. "