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" I always tell people if you want to do something, go to a great comedy show. And that's what I try to do: give people a really good comedy show. "

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" I just do jokes about real situations, pure observation. "

" The late, great Joan Rivers actually gave me so much advice, and she was so nice to me before she passed. "

" What helped was that my mother, even though we didn't have a lot of money... allowed me to take part in the Girl Scouts. "

" It's always good to laugh. "

" Even when I was an engineer, I was a comic on my job. At birthday and holiday parties, I was the one scheduling and emceeing. If you work on your gift, and you're good, it will shine through. "

" I keep doing stand-up because the world needs laughter - there's always something happening in the country and in the world. That's why I wanted to become an entertainer: to help people forget about their problems for a little while. "

" Being a female comic and getting a Comedy Central special is an honor because not a lot of women get that. "

" It is harder to dress a bigger woman no matter what anybody wants to say. "

" I am the funny, crazy person. "

" I used to be an engineer, and I was the worst engineer in the United States of America. That's why I became a comic. "

" There is nothing like a live performance. You can look at things on television, and you can look at things on YouTube, but when you get in a room full of people and you say one joke, and everyone's laughing at the same thing, it's a really great experience. "

" I love being a regular on 'Chelsea Lately!' "

" Everything that I've done on television has helped me to get the exposure that I need. "

" Now AOL is the grandma of online Web services. I mean, we don't need it anymore. "

" What we're trying to do is take these words and soften them. I'm an African-American comic. I use the b-word in my act. "

African-American

" If you are a woman with your own money, you have confidence. You have the pick of the litter. "

" Life is funny, and that's why I celebrate it in my shows. "

" Mom was a nurse's aide. She worked in various hospitals. She took care of us that way, and we ate government cheese. I survived. "

" Everybody wants to say females aren't as funny as men. That's not true. You just don't see as many because it takes a lot to do this occupation. "

" I think that, for so long, there was only one type of actor, and now you see these different colors, different people, different shapes and different sizes. It just makes it more interesting. "

" We provide comedy for everybody, no matter what your race or gender. We just want people to come out and have a really good time. "

" People are getting picked up off the street and getting a show, and it's because we're not using the people that are trying to be entertainers - use more of them. "

" I'm what you call a satisfied single. I don't want to give any trip reports when I come home. "

" Really, it hasn't changed for female comics; it's still hard for females to really enter the game. "

" I worked harder at my craft, and it took some time, but here I am today doing what I want to do, which is entertain people. "

" The thing is being honest with yourself. There's no rule that says you have to be married and have kids. "

" I was a latchkey kid, so when I saw the 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,' that showed me that there was a different type of lifestyle out there. I was curious about it and amazed about it. "

" I am a seasoned performer. "

" I tend to be everybody's best friend, and it kind of goes over into my comedy. "

" When we heard that little dial-up sound, that eeeeee, and then you connected, and you then go and you check your mail and you get that 'you got mail,' you were excited. I mean, that was the thing. "