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" I'm what you call a satisfied single. I don't want to give any trip reports when I come home. "

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" I'll see something, and I'll go, 'Oh, wow, that's interesting,' because really, comedy comes from the truth. "

" People are getting picked up off the street and getting a show, and it's because we're not using the people that are trying to be entertainers - use more of them. "

" I'm fat, and I support fat celebrities, like Oprah. "

" At my job, my manager had a massive heart attack; we had layoffs. It made me realize that nothing is certain, nothing is for sure, and if I'm going to make a move, I gotta make a move now. "

" I started by doing a little funny story, and then I started going to open mics. I realized I had a lot of work to do - you have to get over the stage fright and get your stage presence up. It took me some time, but I finally feel that I'm at a point where I feel comfortable on stage and giving my point of view. "

" I've seen Don Rickles up at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Don Rickles was doing jokes in a wheelchair, and he was headlining a show. Do you think they would let a woman do that? "

" Now AOL is the grandma of online Web services. I mean, we don't need it anymore. "

" We have to remember that people are free to love who they want to love. That also means that black women are free to love who they want to love. "

" The president of CBS handpicked me for the 'Star Search' revival, which Arsenio Hall hosted. He picked 12 comics, and I was the only female. I always look to that as inspiration. "

" In 'Mother's Day,' which is directed by legendary director Garry Marshall, I play a mother figure to the character played by Jason Sudeikis from 'Saturday Night Live.' He's a widower, and I'm a mother who's helping him to get over the loss of his wife. "

" There is nothing like a live performance. You can look at things on television, and you can look at things on YouTube, but when you get in a room full of people and you say one joke, and everyone's laughing at the same thing, it's a really great experience. "

" It's been a long haul. It may seem to some people that have never heard of me, 'Oh she just popped up on the scene,' but I've been working on this for some time. "

" I don't want to get married - I've been there and done that. So I know what I'm talking about when I say that. And for everybody has a different path - find out your path! And if you want to do it, don't let people make you feel inadequate because you wanted to do something that's different. "

" I appreciate the audience for checking us as comics. "

" Really, it hasn't changed for female comics; it's still hard for females to really enter the game. "

" I do talk about celebrity relationships like Kim Kardashian's. I like to find the humor in love. "

" Everybody wants to say females aren't as funny as men. That's not true. You just don't see as many because it takes a lot to do this occupation. "

" I am a seasoned performer. "

" Miss Britney Spears took a dude that was already with a girl that had babies. And sometimes when you do that kind of stuff and take a dude, that's called karma. "

" Seriously, I love my gays. They accept me, and I accept them. Imperfections and all, we accept each other. "

" I couldn't be where I am today if I had children. My focus would be on my children and home. And you can do it later in life. "

" I keep doing stand-up because the world needs laughter - there's always something happening in the country and in the world. That's why I wanted to become an entertainer: to help people forget about their problems for a little while. "

" I worked harder at my craft, and it took some time, but here I am today doing what I want to do, which is entertain people. "

" As a stand-up comic, you have to do the road. "

" I never wanted a traditional lifestyle. I'm not that kind of person. "

" When you're a plus-sized girl, belts are your best friends. I also love bright colors and skirts, to show my pretty knees. "

" Everything that I've done on television has helped me to get the exposure that I need. "

" I've been studying myself because I always want to improve. "

" I love being a regular on 'Chelsea Lately!' "

" People say they get a warmness from me. "