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" Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Mean
Best
You
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" Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes - the whole bag of tricks. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
People
Last
" I'm not a tech-savvy parent. I communicate with my children via the old-media format called yelling. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Communicate
Children
Parent
" The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
You
Two
" What is obnoxious about the motives of politicians - whatever those motives may be - is that politicians must announce their motives as visionary and grand. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politicians
May
Visionary
" The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Time
You
Brilliant
" If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Corporations
Big
Government
" When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. "
P. J. O'Rourke
First
Buying
Things
" America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as if we're the only nation on earth that counts. We are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
America
Nation
Only
" Libertarianism is a way of measuring how the government and other kinds of systems respect the individual. At the core of libertarianism is the idea that the individual is sacrosanct and that anything that's done contrary to the well-being of the individual needs some pretty serious justification. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Serious
Done
Way
" Kabul is a walled city, which sounds romantic except the walls are pre-cast reinforced concrete blast barriers, 10 feet tall and 15 feet long and moved into place with cranes. The walls are topped with sandbags, and the sandbags are topped with guard posts from which gun barrels protrude. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gun
Romantic
Long
" I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Think
Politics
Humor
" I myself am a parent in a small business. Number of employees: one. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Business
Small
Employees
" The great majority of Baghdad is a slum - a lot of it's new, but it's still slum. It's usually this concrete-block, one-room design with a door and a window, arranged one-up, one-down, often with a shop with nothing in it on the first floor, and then a one-room apartment above it. There's street after street after street of that stuff. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Street
Window
Design
" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Renaissance
You
Modern
" The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Cheap
Library
Knowledge
" The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Most
House
Almost
" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Got
Country
" Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Society
Alcohol
Ignorance
" The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren't carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Great
Laws
" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
Plant
People
" Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Had
Woodstock
" The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hood
White
Meeting
" Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Effect
Years
Out
" I think the Baby Boom has enjoyed itself, maybe sometimes a little too much, and we're continuing to enjoy ourselves, maybe a little too much. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sometimes
Enjoy
Too Much
" We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Need
Nature
Government
" I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Short
Black
Gay
" The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fantasy
People
World
" Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gay
Marriage
Eye
" Charles McCarry is the best modern writer on the subject of intrigue - by the breadth of Alan Furst, by the fathom of Eric Ambler, by any measure. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Measure
Intrigue
Best
" Liberals consider people to be nuisances. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Consider
People
Liberals