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" My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice. "

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" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss. "

" To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat. "

" I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" I'm a stand-up comic. I'm always doing dates; it's just that, if I'm working on a project or I'm busy, I can't get out on the road or book any shows. Since the beginning of my career, I'm usually out for at least 10-15 dates throughout the year. If I have time, then I try to get at least 30-40 dates. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "

" I'm a huge Sia fan. I love Sia, I have just about all of her stuff. "

" I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody. "

" It wasn't until after the reduction that in the lab work, the pathology, that they found that I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my left breast. I was very, very lucky because DCIS is basically stage-zero cancer. So I was very lucky. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

" Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do. "

" The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex. "

" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

" I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real. "

" I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place. "

" If a topic hits me, I'll start going on it. But you can't force it. "

" My shows and my material are grounded in reality. It's pretty much something that's either happened in my life or in the news, and I start there and give you my take on it. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" I watched a lot of comedy growing up. "