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" I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. "
Carol Burnett
Entertained
Betty
Garland
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" I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. "
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" I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me. "
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" Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. "
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" I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "
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" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "
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" My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. "
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" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "
Carol Burnett
Happy
Law
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" I have a great memory. "
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Memory
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" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "
Carol Burnett
Laugh
Thought
College
" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "
Carol Burnett
Living
People
Life
" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "
Carol Burnett
Comedy
Broadway
Wanted
" I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. "
Carol Burnett
Stars
Time
Today
" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "
Carol Burnett
Think
Write
Up
" My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. "
Carol Burnett
Door
Kind
Mirror
" When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh. "
Carol Burnett
Play
Laugh
Business
" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "
Carol Burnett
Listen
Jokes
Tell
" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "
Carol Burnett
Home
Best
Movies
" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "
Carol Burnett
False
Like
You
" I loved doing 'The Family' with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy. "
Carol Burnett
Doing
Family
Loved
" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "
Carol Burnett
Poor
Nobody
Parents
" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "
Carol Burnett
Know
Newspaper
Experience
" I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. "
Carol Burnett
Love
Writing
Loved
" It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony. "
Carol Burnett
You
Things
Say
" I liked myself better when I wasn't me. "
Carol Burnett
Liked
Myself
Me
" I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called 'Once Upon a Mattress,' that kind of put me on the map. "
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Off
Show
Me
" We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted. "
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Where
Setbacks
Going
" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "
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He
Brilliant
Body
" I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. "
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Growing Up
Mother
Wish
" Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. "
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Head
Your
Over
" I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax. "
Carol Burnett
Great
Whole
Wax