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" I liked myself better when I wasn't me. "

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" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "

" I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever. "

" Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. "

" My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

" If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. "

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "

" It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run. "

" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "

" It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony. "

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "

" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "

" On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. "

" You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn. "

" I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me. "

" Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids. "

" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "

" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

" Because nobody goes through life without a scar. "

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "

" I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. "