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" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

Carol Burnett

Poor

Nobody

Parents

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" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. "

" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

" I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax. "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" I liked myself better when I wasn't me. "

Carol Burnett

Liked

Myself

" I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. "

" My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. "

" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "

" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "

" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "

Carol Burnett

New York

Remember

" I really enjoy connecting with the audience. "

" Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. "

" On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "

" I'm hooked on Glenn Close in 'Damages.' "

" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "

" Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids. "

" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "

" I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. "

" I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time. "

Carol Burnett

Time

Be Different

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "

" I have a great memory. "

Carol Burnett

Memory

Great

" I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry. "