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" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "

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" I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry. "

" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "

" It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony. "

" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" I'm so happy with what has happened in my life. "

" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story. "

" I'm not a person who likes to confront. "

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "

" My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. "

" It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. "

" I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. "

" I liked myself better when I wasn't me. "

" My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "

" I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper. "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "

" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "

" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" Comedy is tragedy - plus time. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" I'm hooked on Glenn Close in 'Damages.' "

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "