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" I'm still constantly thinking of ideas. I don't feel 90. I think I'm about 12. "

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" My father used to be away for months at a time, and he'd never leave any money for food, so my brother and I had to go out and nick it. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward. "

" I used to first go on to entertain an audience. But now I go, and this is really true - I go on to have fun with a crowd of my chums. "

" I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces. "

" It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice. "

" But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get. "

" I must admit I like to muck around a bit; I always have. "

" You see I'm semi-retired now and don't work all the time, only most of it! "

" My only phobia is untidiness. My hair has to be neatly kept; my shoes are always clean. Everything has to be in a straight line, in its place. "

" I was born in London, and went to school in Scotland - I used to be dead tired when I got home at night. "

" All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved. "

" I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over. "

" What I like doing most is making children laugh. "

" At my age, the radiation will probably do me good. "

" Well if I was going to describe my audience, it's going to take longer than you'd ever expect, hundreds of years in fact, because there's many of them, all over the world. "

" Don't get me wrong: I'm overjoyed with my career to date. But perhaps I could have done more. Mostly, I just did whatever the directors told me to do. "

" My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad. "

" Most of my comedies were low on budgets - certainly by American standards. "

" I do play drums when I'm on tour. "

" Years ago, there was a variety theatre in every British town, and people paid to go down and see it. Comedy was the main part of the theatre, and comedians earned a living by being funny. Now you have comedy in television instead. Comedians now have to be funny within a play. "

" I've been making people laugh for 40 years, so I know how important it is! "

" When you're as famous as I am, stories take on a life of their own. "

" I've been extremely lucky having been in the army when I was a boy of fourteen. "

" I was in the band as a boy and was taught music and learned to compose. "

" Of course I've done musicals here in London. "

" I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about. "

" There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over. "

" Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse. "

" I have a folder where I keep all the articles the critics have written about me. It makes me feel good. "