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" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

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" I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. "

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "

" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "

" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "

" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "

" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "

" The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. "

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" Life is funny, and a lot of times, the people that I've met have really gone past anything that I've ever dreamed of, so I'm really grateful. My friendships really go from the West to the East. You'd be amazed at some of the people I call friends. "

" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "

" I just want to be myself and be real and be funny. "

" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "

" It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. "

Adlai E. Stevenson

" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "

" I have an unfortunate personality. "

" In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there. "

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" I think that 'Hangover II' is as funny as 'The Hangover I,' honest to God, but I think that it's a little bit darker, and the stakes are a little bit higher. "

" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "

" The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have. "

" My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better. "

" That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. "

" Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. "

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" Be obscure clearly. "

" When I have had a long day at work, I want something to watch that is funny, lighthearted and easy to get into, and reality is that. I'm not really into serious programmes or documentaries. "

" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "