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" If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Nothing
Party
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" The minute somebody joins a committee... they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee. "
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" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "
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" Infant mortality and life expectancy are reasonable indicators of general well-being in a society. "
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" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" There is no 20-year period in American history when stocks lost money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" A friend of mine at the American Enterprise Institute says there are two parties: the silly party and the stupid party. I'm too old for the silly party, so I had to join the stupid party. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
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" The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Politics
Best
" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Civil
Both
" Never wear anything that panics the cat. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Problems
Environmental
Change
" No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Journalism
Memory
Print
" Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need' is the family's practice as well as its theory. Even with today's scattershot patterns of marriage and parenting, a family is collectivist to a more than North Korean degree. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Today
Marriage
Family
" Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Easy
Difficult
Politics
" If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Would
Selling
" The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It's a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Country
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Water
" No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Health
Because
Lose
" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "
P. J. O'Rourke
News
Know
Business
" The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
Irresponsible
Run
" Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Time
Art
Broken
" People say, 'Oh, politics is so polarized today,' and I'm thinking... '1861, that was polarized.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Thinking
Today
Say
" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Average
Dressed
Better
" If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Heard
Death
Somebody
" Love can never be fully explained. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Love
Explained
Fully
" The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fantasy
People
World
" Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. "
P. J. O'Rourke
God
Done
Way
" The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren't carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Great
Laws
" Kabul is a walled city, which sounds romantic except the walls are pre-cast reinforced concrete blast barriers, 10 feet tall and 15 feet long and moved into place with cranes. The walls are topped with sandbags, and the sandbags are topped with guard posts from which gun barrels protrude. "
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Gun
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" The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside. "
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