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" I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" In Toledo, people grow out. Out to the suburbs. Out to the parts of America where the economy is more vigorous. And all too often, out to 48-inch waistbands. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Grow
People
" As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political cause so that we can get out there, you know, and play flag football or Frisbee, or walk the dog or something - you know, which is, you know, what the National Mall should be for, in my personal opinion. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Walk
Political
Football
" The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Test
Ideas
Fascism
" Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It's not pretty. But it's striking, I'll give it that. It's not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Going
Dubai
City
" Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Run
Politicians
Political
" I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I live in New Hampshire. And household help will be much cheaper. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Mind
New
America
" No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
History
You
Way
" Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
Smart
Person
" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Yourself
Team
Better
" I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Meet
Danger
Charm
" America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Tax
Class
Unfair
" Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they turn blue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Strategy
You
Blue
" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
Dumb
" In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Death
Out
History
" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Road
Street
Go
" You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
You
Children
" Writing is agony. I hate it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Writing
Agony
Hate
" A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It's a promissory note that doesn't actually promise anything. It's not backed by gold or silver. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Dollar
Gold
Silver
" TV ushered in the age of postliteracy. And we have gone so far beyond that. I mean, what with the Internet and Google and Wikipedia. We have entered the age of post-intelligence. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Internet
Age
Mean
" I grew up going to public school, and they were huge public schools. I went to a school that had 3,200 kids, and I had grade school classes with 40-some kids. Discipline was rigid. Most of the learning was rote. It worked. "
P. J. O'Rourke
School
Learning
Going
" Obama's space policy doesn't differ much from George W. Bush's. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Policy
Obama
Bush
" The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teacher
School
Problem
" Tel Aviv is new, built on the sand dunes north of Jaffa in the 1890s, about the same time Miami was founded. The cities bear a resemblance in size, site, climate, and architecture, which ranges from the bland to the fancifully bland. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sand
Time
Size
" As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Ray
Right
" The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Prize
Always
Been
" I am a student of stupidity. I am a political reporter. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Am
I Am
Stupidity
" If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words 'I don't know.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Know
Words
Politics
" There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Point Of View
View
More
" I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Home
Think
More
" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Got
Country