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" Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. "

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" After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her. "

" Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature - and another woman to help him forget them. "

" Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it. "

" When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. "

" Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time. "

" A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. "

" Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her. "

" Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. "

" The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. "

" When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart. "

" No man can understand why a woman shouldn't prefer a good reputation to a good time. "

" Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself. "

" A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. "

" Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty. "

" A woman's flattery may inflate a man's head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her. "

" A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world. "

" France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are 'made in America.' "

" There's so much saint in the worst of them, and so much devil in the best of them, that a woman who's married to one of them, has nothing to learn of the rest of them. "

" A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it. "

" In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued. "

" Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. "

" In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. "

" A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor. "

" A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little 'personal characteristics.' "

" Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her? "

" A fool and her money are soon courted. "

" Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification. "

" There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age. "

" It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him. "

" To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. "