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" Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined. "

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" Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit. "

" If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. "

" I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. "

" Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb. "

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

" Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. "

" There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. "

" The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. "

" Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected. "

" If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. "

" Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. "

" Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. "

" Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. "

" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

" If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. "

" There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. "

" One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can. "

" It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too. "

" Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe. "

" Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. "

" In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us. "

" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. "

" There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. "

" Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. "

" One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. "