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" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

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" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "

" Every day after school for 10 years, I was on the set of 'Married... with Children,' which is a really funny and perverse place for a little girl in a Catholic school uniform to grow up. "

" Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. "

" As for our majority... one is enough. "

Benjamin Disraeli

" I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat. "

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" All men are equal before fish. "

" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "

Moon Unit Zappa

" The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans. "

" We are all born mad. Some remain so. "

" Macho does not prove mucho. "

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

David Letterman

" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "

" I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "

George Bernard Shaw

" The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "

Danielle Schneider

" If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. "

" A cultural thing that is funny to me is that every time I go out in D.C. after a show, all the nightclubs and restaurants are owned by Iranians and Afghans. It's funny to me how we lost our countries but we gained the nightlife. "

" The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "

" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "