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" My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know? "

Carol Burnett

Doing

You

Week

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Carol Burnett

False

You

" I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper. "

" It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. "

" Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. "

" It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing. "

" My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. "

" On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" Comedy is tragedy - plus time. "

" I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany. "

" Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids. "

" You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "

" Because nobody goes through life without a scar. "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" I'm not a person who likes to confront. "

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that! "

" I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. "