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" I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. "

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" I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice. "

" It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. "

" I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that! "

" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "

" We don't stop going to school when we graduate. "

" I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax. "

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. "

" I love audiences. "

" My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. "

" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "

" I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. "

" I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. "

" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "

" My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. "

" My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. "

" I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" I loved doing 'The Family' with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy. "

" Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. "

" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "

" My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. "